When I tumble...

And while I'm at it... can you please just leave my life?

To my mother, to my father
It’s your son or
It’s your daughter
Are my screams loud enough for
You to hear me, should I turn this up for you

I sit here locked inside my head
Remembering everything you said
The silence gets us no where
Gets us no where way too fast

The silence is what kills me
I need someone here to help me
But you don’t know
How to listen
And let me make
My decisions

I sit here locked inside my head
Remembering everything you said
The silence gets us no where
Gets us no where way too fast

All your insults and your curses
Make me feel like I’m not a person
And I feel like I am nothing
But you made me so
Do something

Cos I’m fucked up
Because you are
Need attention
Attention you couldn’t give

Cos I sit here locked inside my head
Remembering everything you said
The silence gets us no where
Gets us no where way too fast

I sit here locked inside my head
Remembering everything you said
The silence gets us no where
Gets us no where way too fast

The only thing that is giving me peace.

We barely remember who or what
Came before this precious moment
We are choosing to be here right now
Hold on, stay inside…
This hooly reality, this holy experience
Choosing to be here in…

This body, this body holding me
Be my reminder here that I am not alone in
This body, this body holding me
Feeling eternal, all this pain is an illusion

Alive!

In this holy reality, in this holy experience
Choosing to be here in…
This body, this body holding me
Be my reminder here that I am not alone in
This body, this body holding me
Feeling eternal, all this pain is an illusion…

Twirling round with this familiar parabol
Spinning, weaving round each new experience
Recognize this as a holy gift and celebrate this
Chance to be alive and breathing (x2)

This body holding me reminds me of my own mortality
Embrace this moment, remember
We are eternal, all this pain is an illusion

“Parabola” - Tool

I don't even need to speak.

A groan of tedium escapes me
Startling the fearful
Is this a test?
It has to be
Otherwise I can’t go on
Draining patience, drain vitality
This paranoid, paralyzed vampire
Acts a little old

But I’m still right here
Giving blood, keeping faith
And I’m still right here
But I’m still right here
Giving blood, keeping faith
And I’m still right here

I’m gonna wait it out
I’m gonna wait it out
(Be patient)

If there were no rewards to reap
Loving embrace to see me through
This tedious path I’ve chosen here
I certainly would’ve walked away by now

I’m gonna wait it out

If there were no desire to heal
The damaged and broken met along
This tedious path I’ve chosen here
I certainly would’ve walked away by now

And I still may, and I still may

Be patient (x3)

I must keep reminding myself of this…

If there were no rewards to reap
Loving embrace to see me through
This tedious path I’ve chosen here
I certainly would’ve walked away by now

And I still may (x3)
And I…

Gonna wait it out
Gonna wait it out
Gonna wait it out
Gonna wait it out

“The Patient” - Tool

When I can't convey it in my own words.

Wear the grudge like a crown of negativity
Calculate what we will or will not tolerate
Desperate to control all and everything
Unable to forgive your scarlet lettermen

Clutch it like a cornerstone
Otherwise it all comes down
Justify denials and grip
‘Em to the lonesome end
Clutch it like a cornerstone
Otherwise it all comes down
Terrified of being wrong
Ultimatum prison cell
Saturn ascends, choose one or ten
Hang on or be humbled again
I’m born again…

Clutch it like a cornerstone
Otherwise it all comes down
Justify denials and grip
‘Em to the lonesome end
Saturn ascends, comes round again
Saturn ascends, the one, the ten
Ignorant to the damage done

Wear the grudge like a crown of negativity
Calculate what we will or will not tolerate
Desperate to control all and everything
Unable to forgive your scarlet lettermen
Wear the grudge like a crown
Desperate to control
Unable to forgive
And sinking deeper

Defining, confining, sinking deeper
Controlling, defining, and we’re sinking deeper

Saturn comes back around to show you everything
Let’s you choose what you will not see and then
Drags you down like a stone or lifts you up again
Spits you out like a child, light and innocent
Saturn comes back around, lifts you up like a child
Or drags you down like a stone to consume you
Till you choose to let this go
Choose to let this go…

Give away the stone
Let the oceans take
And transmutate this cold
And fated anchor
Give away the stone
Let the waters kiss
And transmutate these
Leaden grudges into gold

Let go…

“The Grudge” - Tool

You think you know but you have no idea.

I hate it when I feel like I’m not being heard. And I don’t like it when people think they know, when they really don’t. They think they’ve got you all figured out when in actuality they have it all wrong. People will always develop their own opinions on the things they supposedly think they see. Sometimes they’re right and sometimes they’re not. I know I’m not always right and by all means, please prove me wrong if I am. But I don’t try to pretend like I understand something/someone when I really don’t. I see what I see and that may not always be clear, but at least I can admit to that.